Joe’s First Confessional 

Confessional time. Im going to share a true story below about 4 people in my life have ever heard..

I just got a very troubling email from a website member named Mathew. I’ll summarize his reason for reaching out. His company downsized and he lost his position at his job. 2 days later his girlfriend breaks up with him saying nasty things like I can’t be with a loser with no job etc etc. then this morning his car gets rear ended by someone without insurance. He only has liability on his car and is four payments from paying it off….

Mathew wanted to know if I had ever been in such a desperate hopeless situation and how I dealt with it.

Here we go. About 4 people in my life know this story. It was the week before my first GE of the season as a senior at Syracuse. I had come into training camp in the best shape of my life and I was dominating. Sports illustrated had me rated as the #4 rated tight end going into that season. I was prepared to have a dominant senior year and move up on the draft board and open my eyes. It was a Sunday morning practice. We were doing 1 on 1’s. I always ran my 1 on 1’s against the safeties because I was simply too fast to be covered by a linebacker. I had one of our great young safeties O’Neil Scott playing me press man. I have him a double release move to get outside leverage to run a very high corner route. I got him stacked quickly (beat), I ran the post very high. Almost a vertical and RJ led me deep. I knew O’Neil would close and make a play for the ball. I elevated to catch the ball. When I did my momentum carried me down landing on my left shoulder. I heard a snap followed my intense pain. I ran to the sideline and the trainers began cutting off my jersey and shoulder pads. What came next was gross. One of the trainers grabbed my face so I couldn’t turn and look. My ac joint had completely separated and the clavicle was protruding through the skin. I was immediately rushed into the training room where our team surgeon was notified and came rushing over. Dr. Rafael x rayed it and told me I needed immediate surgery. I called my parents who were living in Tokyo at the time to tell them the news. I called my girlfriend who was actually staying the weekend at my apartment to tell her where I was going into surgery. An hour later I’m being prepped for surgery and my gf tells me this is too stressful for her and she’s driving back to Rochester.ing story short I go through 8 hours of surgery. I awake only to be informed my season is over. Hearing this news it hits me right in the face clear as day that my chances of playing in the NFL have gone right out the window. I am in tears bawling for the first time I can remember since I was a kid. Flash forward 3 days. I am sitting alone day and night in my apartment beyond depressed. The pain is intolerable. I have to sleep sitting up. My girlfriend calls to check on me. I tell her my season and career is basically over. I tell her I’m alone, in hurting so bad and was wondering if she could come pick me up. Only an hour drive for her. She informs me she is busy and has to go. I was in shock. God Bless my mother for flying the 22 hours back to NY from Japan to come pick me up and take me home to our house in Rochester for a few days. While home my girlfriend stops by to see me. What came next I was not prepared for. In short her telling me we need a break. She needs time to think about her future and if there is one for us. I later find out from a guy friend who dated her best friend that she said “if his career is over then we are done”

You want to talk about depression setting in? I’m now back at my apartment on campus. The pain became horrendous in the second week. I was immune to the Vicodin. I was beyond depressed. I had graduated early so I didn’t even have my fall classes to distract me. I hit the lowest point in my life. I broke my cell phone and I sat there in my dark room for 2 days contemplating how to escape this hopeless misery. I’m ashamed to admit I contemplated taking my own life as it seemed like the best option. Thank god one of my teammates came to find me and drag me to the training room for my checkup. Dr. Rafael explained in depth the details of the surgery, the healing process and why I was experiencing so much pain. He explained that how he fixes the joint has made it stronger than ever, it just a long process of all the muscles he sliced through healing, the incredible pain diminishing and breaking up scar tissue. I sat there dejected staring at a copy of our season schedule on the wall. Week 6 was a bye week before playing at #2 Virginia Tech. It then hit me. “I said hey Doc, theoretically since the joint has been fixed with screws and wire, if I could tolerate the pain, create use of my arm, theoretically could I play” he laughed and said “theoretically yes, but it’s not possible. Everytime you would get hit even slightly your nerve endings would make your shoulder and arm burn like it was on fire, even putting on shoulder pads would be too painful…

The seed had been set in my mind. I would practice somehow on week 6 to play against vetch on week 7..

My misery turned to anger. At the injury, the pain, my gf, at everyone for telling me I can’t do it. For being forgotten in the blink of an eye. I went to see coach hicks our strength coach. After our convo he said you know you aren’t allowed in here until Doc clears you. However if I happen to leave it unlocked at night at 10pm well then….. We were on the same page….

I snuck into the weight room every night from 11-2 am. I trained my legs, my good arm and at first just started taking my arm out of the sling. The pain was absurd. I felt it burn through my whole body. It angered me even more. I began running sprints indoors while they practiced. With every step I took pain jagged through my body like a million knives. It wasn’t lessening. The more I did the more I hurt. The more angry I became. Over these 4 weeks I learned to love pain. I had no choice. I had no option. At times it was so bad I’d be doubled over coughing up blood. But rather than stop, my anger fueled me. I had something to prove. 
My position coach thought I was crazy but he wasn’t going to stop me. He said let’s see how you practice. My first day in pads was a nightmare. I couldn’t catch a pass. I couldn’t lift my arm to get 2 hands on the ball. Everytime I hit someone I feared the response of intense pain. It was the end of practice and we were doing special teams work. I was doing an ambush block on kick return. I absolutely decleated one of our unsuspecting linebackers. I braced for the surge of pain. And while it hit me hard, the feeling of getting someone good washed over it. I knew then it was on. This was the turning point….

Gameday. Our first offensive play. Coach P wanted to go deep to me down the middle. He knew they wouldn’t expect it with me coming off an Injury and he also wanted to see how I would respond mentally. Basically the same route I got injured on. I give an outside release, a head nod at 15 yards and broke deep getting a step on the corner D’angelo Hall trailing to the middle of the field. I elevated as high as possible to catch the ball at its highest point and came down on my shoulder just like when I was Injured. I expected pain bit I only felt adrenalin. First and goal in front of 76,000 stunned Vtech fans….

The pint of this story as that everyone and I mean everyone will go through hardships in life. It will seem like the end of the world when in reality it’s not. Life is a battle, day in and day out. That season changed me forever. I went from the lowest point in my life to in turn becoming a different person. I learned to make pain my friend. I created a depth of internal motivation that would change the course of my life forever…

Life is hard guys. It’s going to beat you down at every opportunity. Each one of us has the internal strength to battle back.

During your darkest hour, in your moment of greatest peril. This is where we find out what we are made of. Where we unleash the character of a champion.

Refuse to give in. Things can and will get better… I promise

Goodnight and God Bless

-JD